I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
