Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
