Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
