Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
