Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
