So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
