bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
