I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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