it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
