I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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