The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
