I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize