I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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