Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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