I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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