I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
