You work out of a Hotel?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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