thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
