We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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