well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
