He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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