yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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