The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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