Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
