party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
