I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
