there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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