I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
