That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
