Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
