On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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