You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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