Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
