It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
