I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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