dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
