Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You have to summon your inner elephant
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
