oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
