Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
