I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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