we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
