We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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