They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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