I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's great music for shaving your balls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
