he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
