Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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