So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
