Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
