i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
