She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
