I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
