if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
