Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
