hotel room ftw
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
