He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry my hands just texted you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
