Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
