My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
