I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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