listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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