no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
