did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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