we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
