Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
