I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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