my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
