his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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