im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We're too hungover to prance.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
