great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
