my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
