Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
