He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
